Wrap-Up

So I'm home now.

The last few days have been...well, more of the same. I have some more pictures, but they're not very entertaining or anything. Just proof of my words.


I wasn't feeling all that great when we left Barnesville. You know. Just drained of my soul. Nothing major.


I said goodbye to my room. Not exactly huge...or clean...but I...well, no, I didn't even enjoy being there.


I headed down the stairs...


Out the door...


And into the sunshine! I was free from the evils of the simple life! If only for a day...

I arrived home later that day. I was finally able to take a bike ride, which nearly killed me, in more than one way. I had to leave my computer at home, though, as we headed out the next day for IOWA. A ten hour drive. Not fun.


By the time we reached the Mississippi River, I was awfully thirsty. We stopped for a break. I'm sad, though...


It just wasn't the same when we left...


We made a stop in Peru, just for the heck of it. It really wasn't at all how I had expected it to be.


There was just way too much corn.

We made it to Iowa the next day. We had our little family reunion, hugged some relatives, posed for photos, yadda yadda yadda. I won't bore you with all of that, except to say that I played some really good frisbee while I was there. Good on my part, that is.


After leaving, I asked to stop by a gas station, planning to hold up the place and grab some snacks. This sign, however, was more than enough to discourage me.


It wasn't long until we were held up in traffic. A lot of traffic.


And it went both ways. I HATE bisexual traffic.


We were there for hours, so I made friends with a neighboring horse. She's so sexy...

I've been keeping in touch with her, but it doesn't look like things'll work out between us. You know, the whole interspecies thing, it's just frowned upon in most states.

I arrived at home, sweet home around 10:30, and proceeded directly to Megan's party. I figured I had to, since I missed Jenny's. The short time I was there was fun. And Jenny got hurt. That just made my night. I love to see people get hurt.

Tomorrow we'll probably mow the lawn. It's like a jungle out there. I love it, and wish we could keep it that way, so that I might practice ambushing rabbits and gophers and such. No harm in getting a head start on my career plan.

This is my final post on this mini-series. From now on, until I feel the need to do another one, I'll be posting on the main page. I'll try to update again soon, give y'all some interesting reading material. After all, my ratings have been slipping. A lot. Four comments? Total? For the last five posts? I must be doing something wrong.

Tell me what it is, and I'll give you some candy.

And the rabbit says, "Sit on my tail and come to my rabbit-hutch..."

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

.....

What?

Where did all the fun go?

Yeah. It's all been drained away. That, along with any drive, happiness, and sanity I may have once had.

For the last several days, I have been absorbed in a hazy world, a world of giant fish, glorious pepsi, brown paint, metal dinosaurs, paddle boats, poisoned blades, lethal beetles, ostrich riding, pirate girls, mashed potatoes, roller coasters, and gay midgets.

The nights haven't been much better. The last dream I remember had something to do with a roller-blading girl who could control machinery with her mind, and who had some serious abandonment issues. Very confusing, but entertaining...in an insane sort of way.

I'm weak from lack of activity. I get dizzy walking around the house at night. I trip over cats. I hit my head on large kitchen appliances.

This whole vacation...isn't really...a vacation.

It's punishment.

I probably deserve it, so I accept it. Just don't get your hopes up where my return is concerned. I may just give up and die here.

.....

Okay, I won't give up. I may not feel enthusiatic about the whole life thing right now, but I'm too stubborn to cave. Though I may die anyways. I almost got hit by a car today...

I need to go slaughter more innocent death-machines.....

Damarus, HERE I COME!

Day Four, Thou Hast Been Vanquished

How can I possibly be expected to live with nothing to entertain me but a computer like this:

It's shameful. I need better quality gaming. So I stopped by the mall today. Only an hour away.


Made a stop in Radio Shack. My purchase was completely justified. You'll see.....I couldn't go without it.....


I am now the proud owner of a Nintendo Gamecube. The very proud owner.


Isn't it great? So cool...


These came with it. The regular one feels a bit better, but the clear one has neon tubing. Both cool.


These are the games I currently own. I plan on also buying Paper Mario, Mario Kart Double Dash, and FF: Crystal Chronicles.


My Gamecube and I make a great team. I play games, and it eats up my time.

So, I pretty much played my new games all day. Not much to tell.

Oh, and Mike, I found a guy who reminded me of you. Just taller, with a goatee. He sold me games. Games that I will use to train, and one day defeat you!!

I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!!!!!

My Third Day Has Ended

Only three days? Please shoot me now.

Okay, don't really shoot me. I have affairs to tend to at home, and above all, I will do my duty.

Bravely spoken!

So today was go-to-the-most-terrifying-church-on-earth day. My brothers, my father and I were literally the only people there under 60 years old. It gave me the heebie-jeebies...

Then we went to eat.

And we walked.

And thus began my second photographic rampage!


We decided to stop by the park. The only park. The sign makes it sound much bigger than it really is. The reason alcohol is prohibited is that there's no room for coolers.


Our first stop in the park was the Amazing Playground. It's not half bad. Close, but not quite. We went in for a closer look.


Standing in that tower just gave me a feeling of nostalgia...Saving princesses...slaying dragons...those were the days. But I'm a ninja, now. No time for knighthood.


Next to the Amazing Playground was a pool. It was, according to the sign, closed. The children inside, however, gave me my doubts...


Darren found a monument that he really liked. He just kept saying, "That would go so well with the others..."


We stopped by the ampitheatre, and he suffered a relapse into drama-mode. All I heard for the next twenty minutes was, "The prince is giving a ball!"


We then made our way to that most perilous of all playground rides.....the rusty, wobbly merry-go-round, perched high upon a steep cliff. This thing was old when I first came to town, almost two decades ago. It hasn't been fixed since then. Oh, so much fun.


Boy, did we get that thing moving.


Being the rough and burly man I am, I couldn't help but strike a Cap'n Morgan pose. Everyone's got a little Captain in 'em.


Darren took a trip back to the days of his youth. Alas, it just wasn't the same. He never used to hit his head on the ground...


And now we come to the park's greatest feature, two big piles of dirt. They're an awful lot of fun to play on. Unbeknownst to us, however...


They were giant anthills! Needless to say, those six-legged critters were not pleased with us.


On the way home, we had a bit of fun with some signs that we found. This isn't that. I really am a historical figure in Barnesville.



Darren lost both of his balls because he was playing with them where he shouldn't have been. I know better than that. I'm always very careful with my balls.


That doesn't mean I don't play. Just...not with balls.


We got hungry later on, and had to sell ourselves for food money. Darren wasn't too happy about this...


But he eventually got into it. We ate well tonight.

Okay, not well. He didn't bring in a ton of money...

But we survived.

With bellies full and pockets empty, we returned home. Again I am chronicling my day for your benefit.

My benefit, too. It's one of the few things I have to help me keep my sanity up here.

It's My Second Day Here...

I'm already bored out of my mind.

So this morning, we watered the plants, went shopping for food, and went to the park.

And walked.

And walked.

And walked.

I swear, it's like walking has replaced every other popular activity in this town. No arcades, no good restaurants, no.....well, no people under 45.

So later on, Matt and I went sightseeing. Not that we haven't already seen EVERYTHING in this tiny little town, but I thought I should share some of it with all of you.

Sooooo......it's picture time!!


This is my grandmother's house, where we are staying for the next week or seven. Not a bad place. Just not exactly....up to date, technologically.


This is what the typical suburban street in this unnamed town looks like. Doesn't Matt look oh, so bewildered?


This is a typical urban street. Not much difference, is there? If you look closely, you can see one or two stores in the distance...


This is their High School, which is BIGGER THAN OURS!!!

Totally not fair...


This is the scariest alley in town. Says a lot, it does.

Look at that, I'm so terrified, I'm slipping into yoda-speak!


This is the town water tower. It's really nowhere near as big as it looks...


See? And Matt's not even six feet tall, yet.


The sidewalks in this town aren't of the highest quality....but that may be because they are roughly, according to scientific research, about 68 billion years old, dating from the Jurassic period.


Now we were, understandably, a bit tired after all this sightseeing. The town's so slow that there's a bench every twenty feet, so we took a break.


Our next stop was the site of the town's one and only murder. It wasn't even intentional, just a friend pushing another and an unfortunate head injury, but the town was so glad to finally have a bit of crime that they preserved the corpse and named the site a historic landmark. I was, for some reason, deeply disturbed by this particular body, and so we hurried on...


These two individuals were moving a small couch. Where, I don't know. But at irregular intervals, they would stop and take a rest. Now, it's not every day you get to see two guys on a couch on a street corner....in THIS town....so I took a quick pic.


Darren caught up with us, and took us by surprise, thanks to his willowy build. We never saw him. Can you?


We stopped for some brief relief. I took advantage of a nearby outhouse, but my brothers have never truly grasped the concept of public indecency.


We popped into a grocery store to grab a snack, and as we turned a corner, I saw this horrible, insulting, and mildly intriguing sign advertising donuts made from...well...figure it out.


Boy, was I relieved to see the rest of the sign.


This one is dedicated to Emma Frost, the White Queen. What a villainess. If she was real...

In case you don't get it, this is a picture of me getting screwed up the.....yeah. There you go.


We got very hungry, so we went to the single greatest pizza joint ever built by man or beast.


Oh my goodness, this is better than a nectar and ambrosia smoothie! What simple, utter perfection! A food after my own heart.


Oh, that first bite...what an experience. Yes, I am crying. I'm not ashamed to admit it. You would be, too.


After the first mouthful, I couldn't stop myself until I had feasted upon just under six hundred slices.


I even began to sing to my pizza. It was love at first bite.

Please don't hurt me. The bad puns just leap out of my mouth...err...I mean, fingers, before I can stop them.

Now, pleasantly full, I'm sharing my day with you. It's been okay.

But still boring.

I'm not going to bore you after all those bright colors with a bunch of dull words, so this is pretty much the end.

Until tomorrow...